For the research
Our mothers were our first firmament, literally, our first homes, the universe from whose substance we were formed.
For a long time I have been looking at the overall system of parenting in a consumer-driven environment.
Rather than get involved in how the environment can change bit by bit to accommodate the parent I have been rattling the structure in the hope that it will topple and with it all its narrow and oppressive views of women as m/other.
My brain transforms during pregnancy, it refines to become more proficient at specific duties and tasks. The job of mothering becomes psycho- physical like the way an expert in science or an athletes body forms around their speciality. Only mothering is not considered an expertise.
My old brain changes and I have this new brain. The change begins in the brain in a very physical way when I am pregnant. Baby brain- they call it. We.
No more casual meet ups, everything is prearranged. Social spontaneity is a rarity.
Time to be an artist. Falls away. At first you don't notice because you are trying to keep this external organ alive and germ free. My own heart pumping in my hands.
Then after time, not practicing enough, not being on the scene, not being the same person your skills change, your priorities changes, your semiosphere is altered, enhanced but from the outside….. ? Does it? I am fatter. I talk about my child. My life. Life.
Life becomes 100% different although it looks and smells the same, the whole concept of time and space has altered entirely. Only you can see it... and they talk about getting “Back' to where you were, your old self in no time etc... Changing time is also on me now.
The Otherness of M/Other
My-selves falling away to make space for this new self which is focused entirely on growing the human I have made. The central human. The child. The I-not-I. The other inside my body, my new organ. The new part of myself. The I that is not I but which reforms my self..
My body liquiform and fluid feeds and Mumumy breasts become everything. I become food. I become shelter. I become semiosphere. I become protector. I become the root of a new family. I become life-support.
The nursing relationship which requires external support to be profoundly successful…. I did my best.
Contemporary society has worked hard to isolate us so we can be truly alone in this work.
The consumer driven background against which we grapple for support de-values mothering so when we struggle and beg for help or demand or become desperate we are instead labeled with disorders such as PND and given zanex and told to feed our babies formula to relieve the pressure. Formula causes dehydration and diarrhea and globally is the cause of most child death under 5. Not everyone can read.
Then we are told to go back to work. I am working already though. The transition to M/Otherhood was a solitary one for me. If I needed help I was deemed to have 'a special requirement” and was referred to an organisation. Its as if the horrors of transformation don't apply to this, the most profound transformation of all. One is expected to know what to do, and enjoy it!
Childcare: Paying someone else to rare our child. So that we may go 'back' to 'work' and be 'valued' again, feel valued, but not as much as 'back then' because we are worried about our child in the hands of the incompetent, uninvested, untrained and ultimately not mother.
Our child becomes unmothered. (I read this in an article somewhere.-I relate)
I do not play out my political grievances on my child. I don't practice my parenting on politics nor politics on parenting.
I should perhaps?
When the world believes that parenting is a vital part of building a healthy society, we will build a healthy society.
If we cannot change the belief that money is the key to success: acknowledgement of labor, value, respect then we must pay parents to do their job well.
How do we monitor the job well done?
Do we monitor it?
Do we provide enough support and shelter for everyone so that we don’t have to struggle to survive? So that we can focus on rearing healthy children? Building that healthy society. Embrace the free market, sure. Embrace our social duty, sure. Value empathy and compassion, intuition and inspiration and all the other vital skills learned as m/other, sure.
Keep the kids out of the courts, off the streets, help them find healthy relationships, a meaningful life path. Imbue in them a sense that they are enough, worthwhile, loved and recognized in the eyes of the ones that they love.
I see a trace in the fabric of time-space which could be carved out more clearly so that its easier to walk or dance on.
I a M/Other.